Risking Everything

So I like to think of myself as fearless (aside from spiders), especially with this big move.  A lot of people asked me if I was nervous, scared, worried, etc.  I told them all no, which for the most part is true.

There is one fear I've kept to myself though.  I suppose talking about it is better than keeping it inside.

My fear is this: the cold, dark fact that something bad could happen to someone I love dearly while I'm thousands of miles away.  It scares the {expletive} out of me.  I try my best not to think about it.  I know I need to focus on the positive.  But having just taken a leap across many, many miles, I've been thinking about it a lot more recently..

So how do we cope with such thoughts?  It doesn't help to worry about it; death and grief are inevitable, a part of life.  I usually would tell myself to relish every moment with my loved ones; make sure to spend more time with them, etc.  But now that I'm here, it's hard to do that.  I don't have a phone set up yet, and even when I do get one, I have to rely on apps to communicate with my friends and family.  And they have to have said apps and be logged into them at the same time - I can't just pick up my phone and call (well, not without a hefty fee).

I'm sure some people turn to the Bible, others may cuddle with their pets, some even turn to drugs (prescription or not) and alcohol.  Where do I look for comfort?

"Risking Everything" is a book of poetry compiled by Roger Housden, featuring poetry from Robert Bly to Mary Oliver to Rainer Maria Rilke.  I have had this book for somewhere around 10 years and it has helped me cope through many difficult situations in my life; from the loss of a loved one to the loss of love; divorce, heartache and grief.  It reminds me to celebrate life, cherish those nearest and dearest to me; yet also to embrace the darkness and sorrow that can creep into my thoughts - and allow it to break my heart wide open.  And to take risks.  Risks in love, life and happiness.  To take a risk on myself.

As Housden puts it: "The risk they urge us toward is the forgetting of our familiar lamentations for a moment and the taking of that tiny yet momentous step - the willingness to try on the life that is truly ours."

I love that.  

I've included one of my favorite poems in "Risking Everything" and hope it inspires you the way it has inspired me.  I will include a list of some of my other favorites at the end.

Things to Think

Think in ways you've never thought before.

If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message

Larger than anything you've ever heard,

Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.

Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,

Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose

Has risen out of the lake, and he's carrying on his antlers

A child of your own whom you've never seen.

When someone knocks on the door,

Think that he's about

To give you something large: tell you you're forgiven,

Or that it's not necessary to work all the time,

Or that it's been decided that if you lie down no one will die.

                                                           

  ~Robert Bly~

Other poems I have bookmarked:

Mary Oliver: When Death Comes
                     Wild Geese
                     The Journey
                     In Blackwater Woods

Pablo Neruda: Poetry

Rainer Maria Rilke: Sunset

Naomi Shihab Nye: So Much Happiness
Edith Sodergran: On Foot I Had to Walk Through the Solar Systems

Hafiz: A Strange Feather

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The Holy Longing

Dorianne Laux: Dust

 "We can only travel down through the truth of our lives on our own.  Yet there is consolation, perhaps, in knowing that we are all on this journey together."

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So what helps you cope?  Are their any poems that you turn to during difficult times in your life?  Feel free to share in the comments :)

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